Growing up, I live in an environment where emotional aspect is not much of a concern. It's just an idea, or a word should I say. As a man, masculinity is all about physicality, strong mentality, and persistent stature.
You are neither special nor entitled to complain about the things around you. It is what is per se; you're on your own kid.
What I truly hate about this environment is that you are not allowed to showcase your emotions. It’s not normal to look weak, unless you want to be called “bakla ka ba?”, as if being a soft-hearted man makes you less of a you.
Regrettably, that's the same thing that have also made me less showy, emotionally. I prefer to hide my disdainful pain, frustrations, and disappointments to everyone. I have always been afraid to open up since I'm not used to sharing my heavy baggages. I'm scared that no one could understand me, or maybe no one would want to listen to me.
This has also made me far from everyone, even mastered the art of detachment: it's an idea that if someone doesn't care, then so will I. Honestly, It's just exhausting to be the one who's always trying to understand while being misunderstood all the time. Some even said that I was too insensitive, not knowing how much emotions were repressed just to keep my patience.
Am I being insensitive? Or perhaps, you just fail to get me? I keep putting myself on your shoes, just to get your point of view, but look at you, telling me to understand your illogical, unreasonable, and immature approaches. Outrageous!
I hate that. I never wanted to be like this. I always try to be the best version as everyone has to be. It's just really hard sometimes. I was never perfect though, but I am trying. I am always trying...I hope you can see that. I hope you will acknowledge and appreciate that.
